The Baby On The Doorstep Effect

It feels like every which way we turn these days, the world has got our nuts in a vice grip.

So much wrong yet so little seemingly being done to fix problems that we feel are critical to... humanity.

I saw an interview with Mark Cuban the other on the topic of politics, and he mentioned how the world, and particularly the USA, are thirsting for someone "real" to take the helm of our country.

I think what that means (to me at least), in practical terms, is that we need people that will begin to take responsibility for the stake of affairs - even if it isn't their fault that we're there.

It got me to thinking a lot about this idea of Fault vs. Responsibility.

If you’re babysitting your sister’s kid and he knocks over a sippy-cup and it spills all over - it’s not your fault, but it’s probably on you to clean it up!

In this article, I want to break down just how important understanding that distinction is for your personal happiness.

Why would I have to be the one to fix something that wasn’t my fault?

If it IS my fault, then obviously I would be the one to fix it…

I can feel the flashes back to childhood, screaming: “it wasn’t my fault!” about who knows what.

The problem is this: 

When you exist in fault, you exist in blame and victimhood

When you exist in responsibility, you exist in solutions

Imagine for a moment that you’re sitting down to watch your favorite show tonight… and you catch a sound:

It’s a baby crying?

You walk over to your front door, and there she is!

Someone has left a baby, all alone, crying on your doorstep.

Now…

Is it your FAULT that the baby was left there?

Outside of potential… paternity issues… the answer is obviously no.

Is it your RESPONSIBILITY to figure out what to do with the baby?

Obviously, yes.

Here’s another way to think about things:

Fault necessarily implies past-tense… right?

It’s something that happened already, and the fact is there’s nothing you can do about it.

It was one of the stoic philosophers that said the key to happiness was focusing only on things you can control.

And unless you’ve got the secret keys to a Delorean that can go back in time… there is literally nothing you can do about it.

Responsibility, on the other hand, is all about what you can do about it NOW.

The thing happened, cool, where do we go from here?

Focusing on solutions to problems releasing the burden of blame

I had an issue about a month back within one of my sales teams.

The short of it is that we were having a big issue with show rates caused by marketing lead sources.

The “fault” in this situation clearly lied with the marketing and copy and media buying that placed those leads on our books.

But half of our sales team decided to throw their hands up and say:

“Not my fault!”, and proceeded to stop doing their lead nurture, simply giving in to the powers that be.

While 2 or 3 others on the team decided to do the only thing they could do:

Get better at their lead nurture so that they could improve their show rates and keep money flowing.

“It’s not your fault!”

It’s one of the most quoted scenes of Hollywood.

Matt Damon’s character is a genius, with deep psychological scarring.

At the climax of the movie, Robin Williams’ character confronts him, repeating:

“It’s not your fault! It's not your fault!”

This scene illustrates the dichotomy between fault and responsibility clearly

It wasn’t Matt Damon’s FAULT that his parents put out cigarettes on his arms when he was a toddler…

It wasn’t his FAULT that he was in-and-out of foster care & abuse his entire life…

But it consumed him to the point he considered what was done to him a flaw in his own being.

When you’re not intentional about separating fault from responsibility, it can blowback and become internalized.

“I’m just the type of person that bad things happen to”

The best way to solve for this is actually pretty simple:

Start building awareness around it and around yourself.

The next time you catch yourself blaming someone in your brand about something, go through a quick exercise:

Just remember to keep in mind… the baby might have been left on your doorstep, but it’s still on you to decide where it goes.

Don’t leave it there screaming.